I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
