it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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