Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
