Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
