I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I know her cup size but not her name....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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