I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
