Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
