I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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