he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
