Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
