If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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