someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
