some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
