Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
