You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
