so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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