shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
