My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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