Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
