The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
