omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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