Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
