oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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