I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
