he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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