OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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