I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
