so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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