community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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