So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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