Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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