U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
