it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
