My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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