What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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