Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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