I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
