College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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