My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
