Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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