ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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