you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize