How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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