My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
