Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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