I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
