Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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