i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
