You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
