Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
