I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
