don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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