Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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