grandma shit on top of the toilet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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