shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
