What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
