He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
