well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she smelled like a LAN party
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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