i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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