Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You are a booty call, not a friend.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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