If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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