C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
