He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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