I'm lost and stupid without you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
