I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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