Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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