I can text with my tongue
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
don't judge my taste in strippers
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
