found the other keg... it's in the tree
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
