And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize