Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
