Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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