i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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