Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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