i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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