Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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