he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
