Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
