can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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