hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
