What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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