Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
