you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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