What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
