Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
