I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
